I been reading the story of the prodigal son, and there's these things I can't overlook:
he started down the road to his father's house because he knew that he was guaranteed food, drink & water in abundance,
he didn't want his father.
The son realized his father could provide everything he needed.
He didn't realize his father was everything he needed.
The son had only just started down the road, a long way off, far, far distant. His waiting father ran out to him, ran all the way out to where he was,
and the truth is, if the father hadn't ran out to the son, the son would never have made it home.
But the father was always going to run out to the son.
I'm stuck all the way out here, God.
Can we be on the road, the place You come out running to us.
The cross makes sense now, because I'll never make it home, because You're home and I want food and water and shelter.
The cross makes sense now because that was You running to me when I was never going to make it home.
"But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ." Ephesians 2
The cross makes sense now because it robs me of the glory I thought I could claim in You. I thought I could claim glory in climbing out of the pig pen and onto the road, the road home. I made logic that salvation wouldn't be possible without me doing that, that I have a significant role in saving myself, and yeah we like this acknowledgment because we like to assure ourselves of our own relevance.
We like this assertion, but for me the truth is this:
I'm turning back for myself, not because I want God.
I've realized that God can provide everything I need, & I can't get it anyplace else. I need food and water and shelter.
I'm not turning back to God, I can easily distract myself from him & I want a place to be comfortable, not lacking.
God knows this. And He's waiting for us, and then He sees us coming and He runs all the way out to us and holds us and holds us
Then He takes us home to be with Him. We'd never have gotten there otherwise, because He is Home & we haven't sought it,
at least, I haven't,
I've sought it in pretense but not with my whole heart,
and it's like You became the son,
to bring us back to the Father,
like God You became the son,
to bring us back to Yourself
Did we ever remember before, how we were separated from God, strangers to the promises, without hope, without God?
I'm still so far away God,
& there's not any way I can make it home,
I'm just on this road here, God, still rolling in this pig grime,
and there's just something about this cross,
about this Father running & these arms open,
open as we pierce them & they're open now,
and you're running and I'm here God,
I'm here for all the wrong reasons and you're running, God,
you're running & there's blood dripping and I'm as far off as far exists,
and it's like the cross marks love that comes,
and i don't know why.
"We all did it, all of us doing what we felt like doing, when we felt like doing it, all of us in the same boat. It's a wonder God didn't lose his temper and do away with the whole lot of us. Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, he embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did all this on his own, with no help from us! Then he picked us up and set us down in highest heaven in company with Jesus, our Messiah." Ephesians 2
I stand before You and I'm covered in grime and the cross makes sense now, the cross makes righteousness,
I don't know why you clothe me in white,
why I stand before you in grime and you clothe me in white like I'm worthy & righteous.
And the cross makes sense now,
how it broke the barrier our lives had built,
the wall that kept You from running to us,
And the cross will never make sense to me,
because the cross meant blood that means grace that will never, ever
ever make sense to me.