Giving up our lives is not some worthy act; it is what we are called by Jesus to do. "act justly, walk humbly, love mercy."

glassgirl, laura andersonkurk.

It is a commitment I must make of today, that I will embrace Your Spirit in me and trust You despite my fear of what I will lose.


There is a bit of a misconception in my heart. I seem to believe that if I 'give up my life' and 'commit' today to Jesus... Life will be boring, predictable, laughless and no fun. But it is exactly the opposite: it says what life will be like right there in Galatians 5:22-23. Those words above, boring and nap-worthy and dull --  they're right there in the life I live today, Galatians 5:19-21. The God-life is joyful despite trials and sorrow, adventural, full of love and laughter, growing closer to people in genuine authentic love, and embraces the heart of God, no longer forcing ones way in life.

It's not often that I write a post at four in the morning. In fact, I'm not sure that I ever have. Until this morning, when I wrote those words above. 

These past few days, I don't know how to say it: It's like my heart has begun to beat with Truth. 

I read this post just now, this morning. Dear Ann Voskamp, each of your words... how can I say it, they pierce something in my being, I catch my breath as I scroll, as I look at the pictures of the beautiful people you've been blessed to share stories with and love how you can, loving the people and seeking Jesus,
 oh oh that His truth will reign fully in our hearts.

See, it's finally hit me. First, the way I live my life trying to get my way all the time and the life I'm living because of that -- and then I asked a question in the post I wrote a few days ago, the question that was How do I live God's way? And we do that by giving up our life. Giving up what we want and how we think it should be. Our arrogance and desire to be favoured and appreciated and thought well of. And we do this by embracing what the Spirit is doing in us, around us, where we are. 

that just made sense to me.

I'm not in Africa today, I'm not in Cambodia, or Bangladesh or Thailand. I'm not freeing children from slavery and starvation and war.

Living radical isn’t about where you live — it’s about how you love.It’s about realizing– Love doesn’t happen when you arrive in a certain place. It happens when your heart arrives in a certain place – wherever you are, right where you are, dirt road Africa or side street America.
Because it isn’t where we love. It’s how we love. It’s who we love. The reward of loving is in the loving; loving is itself the great outcome of loving. The success of loving is in how we change because we kept on loving – regardless of any thing else changing. The value of loving is in the value of being like Christ. -- Ann Voskamp, A Holy Experience

But I know what I want to do, and that is this: to embrace Jesus' Holy Spirit in my being, in me. To become nothing because truth and rightfully, that is what I am. 

To go where Jesus takes me, have faith despite fear.
To love the lives he blesses me to know. 

I am also blessed. As well as nothing. Because Jesus loves me and He will glorify Himself through me, a pile of dirty ashes because He sees beauty, redemption and light. Because that is what He is and He is life. 

this is Truth because of Him.

Plan B can't be an option anymore.  Plan B is where I have a little peak at what God's talkin' about and can decide that it's too hard and then I am allowed to go back to normal life. I've got to give so that I am sure I am losing losing losing. 

I had this thought, that people who depend solely on Jesus don't rely on what people think of them, and you can see this because they don't judge and point out the faults and flaws of the people around them, and try to change these people, because they are fully aware, with all that they are, that Jesus... is the life in them. That He embraces us and our insufficiency and hate and wickedness and arrogance and judgemntalness and snobbiness and the whole I'm-better-than-you mentality playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just playing our own part that we cling to so bad. 

Why is their darkness? Perhaps to teach us that Light is the sole thing we may depend on.

It’s not nameless masses of the deserving poor on the other side of the gate; It’s Christ. Every single stranger, every single disadvantaged, is Christ and if you love Him — you have got make your life about tearing down the gates. -- Ann Voskamp, A Holy Experience

Lead me Jesus. Here I am.
Blessed. Blessed with plenty.
Here I am. Broken, dirty, bruised, self-conscious, shy, holding-onto-life, selfish.
It's yours.
Why would You die for this, Jesus? Why oh why?

Matthew 25:31-46: loving the people; the homeless, the exploited, the hungry: the daughter, the son, the mother, the father, the friend: is loving You. and by loving You, loving them, that beautiful soul will see Jesus.

Psalm 37:4. In Kisses from Katie, Katie said something about this verse. She said that she used to see it that God would give us all our dreams and such just how we want it if only we would delight in Him.

Just how I always took it.

"Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."

Then she said, and I'm using talking marks here but the book is all the way in my room and there's a whole hallway to walk down to get there and so this isn't a direct quote -- she said, "If I delight in the Lord, He will give me the desires of my heart."

As in God will bless my heart with the desire of His.

Anyone want to hear a God-thing? I was stalking my Pinterest boards looking for images to put in this post, and there were words I'd pinned some time ago.

Look, right there. See who said that.
I've only being talking about her words for the past how many hours?

Who am I, Casting Crowns. 


now i see this is all i really am
this broken pile of ash
i'm tired, so tired

I went outside, on the tramp.
"I'm broken empty useless," I said, over again. "I need You to give me life now, I want to be alive. Love."

Demanding He keep His promise. As if He owes me.

He said, "Love with what little you have left."

Like the widow with the jars... it will never run out.

"so you want first place? then take last place. be the servant of all."

Robin Jones Gunn wrote a book called Victim's of Grace. That's what we are.

ThankYou Jesus.


  1. Emii, beautifully written and incredible quotes. I am right with you. I am a slave of Christ. I want to love Jesus in all the situations where choosing not to love is so much easier yet so life-deadening as well. I am an open vessel for God.

    1. exactly! "in all the situations where choosing not to love is so much easier," yes! and we find all this life.


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