30.5.13

against all logic [or feelings].


i do by what i feel.
i am dominated by it. "if i feel like it."
i don't do what i know i have to do because i let my feelings shape all of me. if i don't feel courageous, if i don't feel like i can do it; then i don't.

you know what those words i just wrote remind me of? Paul said something a bit like them.

I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

It happens so regularly that it’s predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.

I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question?

The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.

I want to trust God. I want to embrace His spirit. I want to accept the opportunities to be courageous. And just not worry anymore. 



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