24.10.12

dear peter pan,


listening to this new album on repeat, sad beautiful tragic. looking out the window at the white sky, chickens making their way through trees and plants. we're struck by this realization, that we don't want to grow up. because not too many years and school will be finished, and oh it just makes us want to cry, you know?

dear God,
i know nothing.
thankYou for the beautiful gift of now; we don't have to worry about tomorrow because tomorrow doesn't exist, yet one day we will look back and realize that yesterday was so long ago.

i got up so early this morning, i opened the back door and was greeted with a warm breeze, something i was so not expecting. i lay on the hammock and i watched the sky, the first pieces of colour as the sun began to rise. and i knew what had to happen, what i had to do.

"dear God, i give You everything i have... all my stuff, my books and my clothes and all my stuff... and...  my family and friends." Pause. "no, not them. i don't want to give them to you. i don't want to lose them. if i keep them, nothing will change."

such honest words that flew out of my mouth.
my mouth dropped open at my proclamation. i was quiet for a bit, and You nudged me, and i knew. You whispered Your Truth.

"dear God, i give You my family, my friends. everything that means anything to me. every dream and every hope. every fear and anxiety, all the regrets and mistakes. dear God... i give You all i am, my very being."

because He died for me. and if He didn't, then i would have no life. i would spend eternity with no life. but God loves me, for nothing i did but because He made me and He loves me; and i can do nothing for Him, but one thing;

give Him myself, my heart, my life. every moment, every day. always.

all too well, taylor swift

1 comment:

  1. I love your honesty here, it's really such a great check because how many of us can actually say this and mean it?

    I may be a just few years older than you, but I definitely went through times when I was so sad to that I had to grow up (especially during HS graduation and parting ways with friends), but the future is always something to look forward to! I love looking back, and do become very nostalgic from time to time, but all seasons of life are good and beautiful :)

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