even though it's winter, the clouds were just a thin, spiderweb-like weave throughout the sky, allowing room for the sun to push it's light into my face.
i sat on the trampoline with a guitar, my diary and a clicky pen, and i wrote words. which i turned into a song. which i might just record and post up here.
because the lyrics meant something to me. you know when you've just been lugging a boatload of thoughts around in your brain for a week, know what you're supposed to do but you just keep lunging forward, grasping for something but coming up empty every time? i was doing that. and then yesterday, i found this verse.
The fear of human opinion disables; trusting in God protects you from that. -- Proverbs 29:25
and it occurred to me how much i really do care what people think of me. and so i wrote this song.
i went outside i sat on a chair
i breathed in a bit of night air
i kind of pondered all these days
wandering through winter haze
seeking to be inspired,
only feeling tired
routine took all of me, i
am too empty to see if
i'm even breathing
change my heart,
open my eyes
let me hear Your truth
no more lies
why do we allow people to tell us
who we may, may not be
too often our dreams become
a timid memory
oh as i look up at the skies
wispy clouds roll by
treetops wave and little birdies fly
sun is shining in my eyes
for now no-one's saying goodbye
like a winter lullaby,
the leaves sigh
so when they say something
or you're worried they will
shrug your shoulders and smile
even if your cardigan
is out of style
to see things with
a different perspective
unmask forgotten reality
believe in in the beauty of our dreams
the places me and Jesus
the sky is there, barely out of my reach
horses are galloping so swiftly
i am not afraid, i can do anything
through You who gives me strength
God, You're real.
so many more words i have to say.
but i suppose i'll save them for another day.
maybe a rainy day.
Oh, and also.
...oh, fine. I'll save it for my next post.
..no, I'll write it now.
one day the earth will dissolve
the sun will stop shining
and Jesus... i'll be with Him.
(sort of the lyrics from the amazing grace-different-version by chris tomlin)
That's why it's useless and pointless to put our hope in anything of this world.
Jesus, hoping in You is what I have to do. Trust You. No person, no thing. Put my confidence in You.
To trust in You... I don't know exactly what that means. Not in words. But I kinda feel it. You'll show me, to trust You.
ThankYou Jesus. for this day. for music, for mercy, for grace, for forgiveness.
for opening our eyes. for blessing us.
When you decide to trust God, your worries are suddenly irrelevant. Unrelated. Of a different time.
and that's what i wanted to say.