i don't think i can just sit by and watch for another day. how much longer can i stare at the TV screen, watching refugees being sent back where they came from or into detention centres? how many more days will i sit at my desk and watch people hurt and be made fun of? how many more times will i listen to stories of innocent people being put into prison? being sold as slaves? being killed because they love Jesus?

the meaning of life, i'm pretty sure it's not for me to sit here and think, day after day, "i think i take this for granted," and then forget, or think about some little thing that's bugging me and just worry about that all day long.
i only care about myself. 
do you know how true that is? i've been talking about it with my friends; why don't we go out and help people? because every moment of every day, i spend only caring about myself. 

because of the place i've been brought up in, the people i've been around, the life i know; well, isn't this just how we live in these Western counties or whatever we call ourselves? we watch someone throw out the crust of their toast and say, "You know, you could have fed a kid in Africa for, like, a month."

we say that but what do we DO? i do nothing. i sit here and i sit here and i think about nothing. 

I know that life is more than this. I can feel it. There is so much more to life than thinking about ourselves. I mean, what kind of life is that? I don't know about you, but I'm sick of it. I'm sick of worrying about dumb little things. I want to help people. I want to comfort them when they're sad. I want to... i want my life to glorify God. that's my prayer. that God will glorify Himself through my life. 

you know what? i refuse to live just going through the motions...

I wrote those words. I remembered the song, although I didn't know the words. I looked it up; it's by Matthew West. 
And its words... 
they speak my heart. 
Here it is. 
It says exactly what I'm trying to say.
ThankYou God. 


somethings got to give, somethings got to change.
God, breathe Your spirit inside of me.
I want to... crawl out of this box i've been sitting in. that's how it feels. like i've been someplace between this world and God. serving neither, doing nothing.

like i need to go outside and run around and just call out to God. sometimes it sounds like it would be easier to just board a bus and then follow God, you know? start fresh. but the grass is always greener-looking on the other side of the fence and well... God put us where we are because that's where He wants us.

via pinterest

*that saying comes from the three billy goats gruff story or whatever it's called, and i'm pretty sure the grass on the other side of that bridge was good? *smiles* i don't know. :)

i love to write, you know that? it's makes me feel better. those lyrics from that song, they speak my heart. That's God. a God-thing.

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

i could spend all day writing. but i'm not sure that anybody wants to spend all day reading. ;) so i'll sign off for now and i'll go talk to God about it all. He speaks my heart. maybe i won't need to find any words at all.
iloveYouJeus. now please show me. guide me with Your lantern light. 

Oh and before I go. Yesterday I posted about Jesus guiding us with His light and everything and this morning, I got thinking. 

I say things like, "Argh! Can you just turn the light off?!"
I say, "Can you turn that light off? Because the sun is just rising and I like it to be totally dark instead of just a tiny bit light."

For one thing, I don't know what I was going on about at seven this morning. But that got me thinking; if I'm not willing to take a step unless the whole room is lit up... well, I'm not going to be following Jesus' lantern light, am I?
Oh God. Give me faith. Let me know Your truth. 
trust. trust. trust. 
what's it really mean?

1 comment:

  1. So true! Thank you for writing this.

    Thanks for visiting my blog and commenting! I'm always so glad when someone visits my blog and comments telling me that they stopped by. :)


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