you know, i become so absorbed in my own life. if you lived in my mind, you'd think i was the only person that existed.

in this place, loving Jesus isn't about how you live your life; it's a belief. everyone has something to believe in and that's what i choose, you know?

in countries that aren't like this one, people are fleeing their homes because they love Jesus. because Jesus is their life and to deny it would be to not live.

kids, like me; they lose their families. people they love aren't there anymore. they move away. they get sick. they aren't alive anymore.

i just don't get it. i don't. in the book of James, he says that we can't just read these words. we have to live them. but i don't, i don't. i hide and i whimper and i groan and i give up when the day isn't going to well. i barely give a thought to anyone else. who knows what trials, what heartache, what pleas they have for their life?

not me, because i'm so caught up in mine.

people i know, they suffer. they hurt, they cry.

maybe instead of wishing i could be faraway from the routine's of life in England or someplace.. i need to be present. to offer my heart. to care for people.

i want to pray for my classmates. for my friends, for the people who work at Maccas that serve me frappe's, the people who give me bread at the bakery and the people that scan vegetables at the grocery store. i want to love my family and give up reading a page of the book i'm so stuck in to talk to them, to play with them. to laugh with them and joke with them and not yell at them.

i want to dream, to hope. but i don't want to live in a world so far from Jesus. because Jesus was present to this world. Jesus gave. Jesus held out his hands and He blessed.

dear God,
i pray for the people who are hurting. they hurt so bad and i don't know because i'm caught up in things that are so lowly insignificant.
i want to offer a hand God, to help them up. like You hold me, i want to love them.
and You will hold us all.
we can be so alone, just wandering.
find me Jesus, guide me.
don't let me go off alone, without You.
let me love. let me pray. let me serve.

i don't want to live a life that doesn't care about anything but me. i don't want to close my eyes and pull out of everything when i can't be bothered anymore. i want to give everything, everything... to loving. to caring about people. to moving on from the whole 'me me me' mind and look to the rest of the world. the world i see, the world Jesus is showing me.

i'm not just here because God had some leftover clay to mould and he thought, "Oh yeah, let's just make a random. I don't know what she can do but she can just sit there, I'm sure we'll figure something out."

there's a reason, you know. i don't exist to serve myself. eat, sleep, dream. i pray that God will help me but i don't do anything.

"You say ask and i'll recieve, well God i didn't get anything."

to everyone with hurts, struggles. tears and broken dreams. to the heart that cries out, the kid with the parents who are sick or have no money. to the kid struggling with their homework, the cancelled plans that make you want to scream.

to the people fleeing for safety. i pray that God will guide you... can i do anything?

i sit here with my stuff and i think, oh yeah, life is good. God has blessed me with everything i need.

but why, has He? so i can sit here and smile and walk around doing whatever?
um, Jesus... i think You had something else in mind, maybe. something that didn't include me doing whatever and moping around when i have nothing to do, but...

to help people. to give. i need to give, to help.
these are a lot of words, but Jesus, i know You hear me.


  1. Woww....i have to admit, i haven't read your blog posts in awhile, but this was really incredible. and although i'm not really in the same shoes that you are in, i think i can relate. sometimes, i think that i'm just sooo caught up with my own self, my own struggles and hurts that i don't stop to think that there might be someone else out there hurting too. people who feel the same way i feel. lately, i've been struggling with my identity (who i am) in Christ and i think that's often why i don't always click with people. cuz i still don't know who i am sooo i couldn't choose for myself who to hang out with, or even what to be. but i know that Jesus knows exactly who i am and that by getting closer to Him, i'll find myself since He created me. but anyways, sorry for my ranting there. great post, Emii :)


  2. This is beautiful. I do the same thing every single day. I mean, my life is hardd. Hard on a daily basis. But you're right. People have it so much worse. People are persecuted for their faith. How can I feel sorry for myself when kids are taken from their parents for doing nothing wrong?


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